Go the Distance

“Distance makes the heart grow fonder.” For me this statement is true because every time my husband leaves to go on his mission, all the feelings I feel grow ten times more. Whether it’d be sad or happy, I feel so much more every time he has to go. Distance is hard and it’s probably one of the biggest challenges a couple can go through.

Just to put it into perspective, I spent 3 years being away from him and it started right when he began bootcamp. He was constantly on the move and every place he went to, seemed further than the next. The most difficult challenge I endured was having to accept the fact that he was going to be overseas for 2 years for his duty station. As tough as it was, I had to put on my big girl pants and accept it. It meant always doing things out of the box to keep our relationship steady, but also build to become stronger.

Arguments would come and go and sometimes it would happen simply just because we missed each other. I had to learn to grow without my husband, which I always thought my whole life that love is doing everything with that person. I’ve come to learn that I had to be independent and as much as I want to spend every single moment with him, I couldn’t. I had to get to know him all over again and had to work harder to communicate better. I often found myself getting upset over little things when really our relationship was so much bigger than that. At the heart of it, I just missed having him around and so when we argue in the heat of it, there’s a lot of passion that we forget sometimes.

When we were dating, a lot of our problems could be solved by just being there face to face. With the distance, there was less intimacy and so a lot had to come from our words. Actions could only do so much and with the technology we have today, we are incredibly blessed to be able to face time the ones we love. Distance really teaches you to grow within yourself and to teach you that you are more than capable of handling it. You just have to put in the work. Some days will be dry days where he is busy and you have covered pretty much every topic you can think of and other days you will talk nonstop. You have to understand that sometimes they are busy and they can’t always put you first. AND THAT’S OKAY! Remind yourself that you have your own stuff to work on, keep yourself busy, and when all in good timing, you’ll see them again. I’ve also always believed that if he wants to talk to you, he will make the time to talk to you. I could always count on my husband to be honest, he never holds back.

I am fortunate enough to be able to talk to him every day and we text each other often. I try my best to have my own routine and tell him about how my day is as if he was there along with me. I tell him my fears, the doubts whenever I don’t believe in myself and I am never afraid to tell him that I’m having a bad day. There are days where we will cry and that is perfectly normal. We’re not perfect, but I am thankful that being honest with our communication comes a long way with our relationship.

I miss him terribly, but I always remind myself of the bigger picture. I know he’s working really hard out there to give us the life we want and he’s giving me the freedom to find something I love. He doesn’t say a lot when it comes to his personal feelings, but he’s always been an actions person. So get to know your person, see what their love language is and what is important for them. I’ve come to learn that because he and I are different, when he does something that is my love language, I appreciate it so much more. He doesn’t do it often and so it’s taught me to be incredibly thankful when it does happen. Always remind them how much you appreciate them, because sometimes that’s enough that we need to hear. Never be afraid to reach out to others when times get hard, that’s what they are there for. You just have to believe that time will always heal itself and that no distance could tear a relationship unless you let it. So hang in there, to those that are battling long distance, it does get better! You guys just have to believe and love hard.

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