“The biggest communication problem is we do not listen to understand, we listen to reply.” When I asked my husband what was the hardest thing in a relationship, he immediately said “communication”. Everyone has a way of how they handle their emotions and often this can be from the way you are brought up or use to. I was always use to expressing my own emotions at all cost, even if the truth can hurt or sometimes it can be hurtful. Whenever I dealt with anything in my life, I try to deal with it head on and face all the emotions. With my husband, it is different cause he hates talking about his feelings. He is use to dealing with it himself, so he tries to internalize it until he’s ready to talk about it. So how did two opposite people find a way to communicate better? We learned to be very honest in times when we need to be.
This is something that cannot be learned in just a short amount of time, this took us years to learn. I use to listen to what he said only to reply. This was very unhealthy because by doing that, I wasn’t really listening to his concerns or feelings; I was too busy trying to save myself. He has had his moments too, but when it comes down to it, it’s so much better to talk about it than to sweep it under the rug. I know sometimes I push my husband into the most uncomfortable and vulnerable spots that isn’t easy for him to share. I’ve always been hardheaded and I’ve almost built an ego that I could fix everyone. It turns out that I’ve been seeing it all wrong, I just wasn’t communicating properly. It’s only when I tried to understand how he process his feelings and how he communicated was when I saw things a lot more clearly.
Over time, I’ve learned to communicate better with my husband and the people in my life. I use to sugarcoat a lot of things because I was so afraid of being completely honest and real with people. I was always defensive when it came to criticism, because I saw it as a bad thing. I should’ve realized it was coming from a good place of people’s opinions. I had to change the way I thought and see the world because not all of it is bad as I make it out to be. In my life, I have so many people that are good for me because of the many perspectives. They are incredibly honest, but they have also been the biggest supporters in my life. I know they don’t say the harsh truths to hurt me, I know it all means well. So I’ve learned to change my thinking and how I approach the way I speak to others. It is better to say it like it is than to hide it internally and never dealing with it.
So communicate with those that you love, never hesitate. Those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind. I believe real relationships come from honesty and being able to communicate the way they do. We can always change to have a better tone in the way we say things. I think the most important thing that comes out of it is that they took the time to listen to you and vice versa. I believe that perspective really changes the way a person thinks. There could be so many misunderstandings that can be prevented, had we just put our pride away and listen. So open your heart and reach out to someone when the time is right. You never know what the outcome might be or who might surprise you. That’s the thing about life, it’s unpredictable and you’ll never know what can be thrown at you. So embrace it and love wholeheartedly.