Conflict & Resolution

“Say what you mean, but don’t say it mean.” When it comes to arguments, it is a topic that has to be dealt with in a care and light manner. Much of the time, people often see arguments as a negative thing. I don’t think they should be seen as a bad thing, I believe it is necessary to have arguments because nobody is perfect. It is when we can air out our feelings, disagreements and come to a place where we listen to understand the other person. Sometimes these arguments can end with an agree to disagree, which is more than okay, it happens! I think it’s where you and your person have to work together to come to a compromise, there isn’t a right or wrong answer.

If you are arguing with your significant other just to prove you are right, that’s where you have it all wrong. My husband use to tell me how stubborn I was when it came to our arguments and he always thought I had this ego that I would always think I’m right even though I was telling him that I understood. In my head, I had already made up my mind and that’s where conflict can arise. I have come to learn that the most important thing in an argument is having the respect to listen to each other without interrupting. There are always 2 sides to the story and if we all put our pride aside and just listen, we’d come to find a more compromising position. I know in the heat of things, there can be lots of times where it’s hard to think rationally because when you’re going at it back and forth that you tend to spiral and start saying things you don’t mean. Instead, take a minute to step back or give space so that each person can reflect on it.

Every person handles conflict differently and that is something everyone has to respect whether we like it or not. I’ve always learned that men and women think differently, so when it comes to conflict we must approach it correctly. I’ve learned with my husband, it is best to just be straight forward and keep it short about whatever I am upset about. I feel as a woman, I have a tendency to write long paragraphs about how I feel and go into every single detail when really my husband just wants to know what’s wrong and to see how we can fix it. He doesn’t need a long rant of how upset I am, he just needs it to be concise so that he can figure out how to solve it. When he’s upset about something, he wants his space until he’s ready to talk about it. So you really have to learn about your person, how they handle each conflict. Eventually there is a middle ground where you can say what you need to say and come up with a compromise.

Something that my mother in law taught me that has stuck with me all these years is to know when to pick your battles. What she means by that is there are some arguments out there that are a completely waste of time and that little things should get you upset, but not to the point where it spirals to a whole different situation that you cannot fix. There are going to be times where you will have tough conversations and arguments will happen. I believe it is the way you approach it as what matters. So the next time you’re feeling upset with your significant other, ask yourself is it worth fighting about, or is it something that you can just talk about for 5 minutes and hope that your person understands and fixes it with you. I think sometimes we tend to have doubts and have this whole crazy scenario in our head when in reality it’s so small. It can easily be dealt with had we just slowed our thoughts down and have an honest conversation with ourselves. That’s also where your person comes in too, where they can reassure you that everything is okay. Before you get defensive, just know that there’s a way of sayings things in a nice way and sometimes, take a step back and listen. You should never fight to win, you should always fight to compromise.

P.S. Happy Birthday to my sister in law! May your birthday be as awesome as you, I love you very much! Thanks for always supporting me.

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