Vulnerable

We are never so vulnerable as when we love. Hi everyone! Hope you are doing well, I’ve been on a writer’s block lately; I am not sure if it’s cause I am feeling the stress of uprooting my whole life to a new place or I just haven’t felt as motivated to write what I feel. I’ve always been an emotional writer; I write best when I am passionate or have a topic that’s enough to write for a series. As of right now, I feel a lot of stress, anxiety, but filled with excitement. There’s still a lot to take care of and as we are sitting here waiting for the day the housing office will call us about our new home, we want to plan as much as we could so that we are prepared. I’ve come to learn that some of the best things in life come with a heavy amount of patience.

For the longest time, I never thought I would get my living together moment with my husband. I knew that it was in the distant future, but the unpredictability of it all left me feeling anxious. I thought that maybe it wasn’t my time yet, that I didn’t deserve it cause our relationship wasn’t struggling enough, or that we didn’t want it enough. Many times, I self pitied because it was hard to connect with anyone that didn’t understand. I had supportive people in my life, but there was this huge depth of vulnerability that I had to often hide because I wanted to be strong for everyone else. I didn’t want to seem like other military spouses that couldn’t hold it together. I wanted to be independent, have career goals, and just have my life all planned out. I’ve always been some kind of a planner, but never in my wildest years would I have thought that the military would change of all of that.

I have a love hate relationship with the military; at times, it’s made me very frustrated, but for the most part it has made me very grateful for the life I live. It made me think about the privileges of the freedom we are given at the cost of others lives that are willing to fight for our country. I’ve thought about how the military has made me strong in times where I had to depend on myself to keep going while my husband was on another continent. I’ve had a lot of hard conversations with myself, trying to cater my career to adapt with our lifestyle. I never truly knew what I wanted to do in life career wise besides being a good wife and to be a future mother. I want to provide as well financially, so it’s something I’m struggling to find a medium. I want to find something that can help my husband along with finding a career that helps me be my own boss. Truth is, I am very scared; I hate not knowing what the future holds for me and I struggle with trying to find that happiness within myself when it comes to my career. Have you guys ever felt that way? What has helped you?

I know that the journey is only just beginning and that I have so much to learn. I know I’ll figure it out eventually, I always do. I think I just need to give myself more credit for being able to be strong all this time. I know we’ll get our time and I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. It is a difficult process of finding yourself, but I know that I need to dig deeper and really go for the things I love. Thank you for reading, I will be back soon.

One thought on “Vulnerable

  1. Thank you for sharing this with the world! Welcome to military life. This will past. Sending you all the loves and hugs!

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